Giving Up The Goal

For many months now, completing this site - or at least the structure and presentation of it - has been one of my primary goals. My hope is that this will become a virtual expression of myself, of the work that I do, of my creations, of my expression, of my learning, and of my wisdom. Looking around, I’m sure you will see that the site is far from complete. Many rough edges remain - invalid links, graphics out of place, empty folders…nor any music posted…anywhere.

When I’m passionate about something, I tend to become hyper-focused on the outcome. In the case of West.FM, I wanted to have the site finished and polished before posting anything. And over the months, I found that the unfinished state of the site, coupled with the focus on the goal, became an obstacle. In a way, the goal itself became a way to justify my inaction.

I thought to myself, “If the site isn’t finished, I can’t post anything. If I can’t post anything, why bother creating anything new to share?” For months this excuse has been the primary means by which I have withheld my gifts. All that I am learning, in all the ways I’m growing and changing, and all of the creative shifts happening remain internal, concealed, and ultimately fruitless. I am reminded of the famous quote which tells us to commit to action:

...the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way….

I have been uncommitted. I have been uncommitted to action, and over committed to outcome. In this way, I often allow expectations and goals to become distractions and detours. By giving credence only to that which is completed, I take attention away from the act of creation itself. By giving attention to the gift, I withhold the act of giving.

Today, again, I recognize this tendency today, and with this entry I intend to some of that energy away from outcome and toward offering. One of my teachers says on his blog, “The ancient Gita of India says ‘give up the fruits of your action and lust of outcomes’. This, to me, is the way I can live as a renunciate in the modern world and be a Western Sadhu.”

The Gita does not call for us to become aescetics. On the contrary, it is a call for each of us to “give anyway” - regardless of outcome, regardless of what fruits our actions may bear. Here, even on this unfinished site, I begin, again, the great task of offering myself, as I am in this moment, to each of you.